Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Moab Model Madness

What do you get when you put the dynamic mullet-ed duo in the middle of the desert with nothing but geetars, beer, and climbing gear?


Throw in some mega rad, 400ft mudstone towers PLUS super sexy model babes from the bone planet Dynamite. Then what do you get?!


After gaining the 2x2ft summit of Ancient Art, Brock and I furiously plucked at our geetars until they began to scream back at the blistering desert sun. The force alone knocked me off balance and Betsy and I (Betsy, my sexy black axe) fell from the summit of the tower. But thankfully, big strong Brock-o was prepared on belay. He caught my fall and I only spent a few seconds whipping through outer space. The fall was a bit jarring but being the testosterone-overloaded, muscle-laden, he-man super stoke that I am, I climbed up and joined Brock back at the summit.

Smart men wear helmets. Lucky for me I was a smart man that day!

Now, with both of us on the summit we played the song that would define the century. The song with the dirtiest riffs and the radest licks. The song that would split the sky apart and would make the forever stoke rain down for years to come. The song that--well, maybe just watch the video and get stoked yourself:

After tearing the stratosphere a new sonic bunghole, we sped off into the desert in search of our beer stash. Along the way we stumbled across a Kate Bellm photo shoot for the models from the bone planet Dynamite! They took one look at us with our sweaty staches and masculine mullets and practically BEGGED us to pose with them. The model babes must have gotten caught in the trap of Brock’s signature scent (dirt, beer, sweat, smoke, beer, and a ton-o-rad) because they immediately swarmed him. The poor guy could hardly play a quick song with me without the aphrodisiac drunken lady babes hugging his picking arm.

One of the models got so caught up in the moment she practically threw herself at Brock. After a minute or two of pleading she got him to whip out is bodacious bicep AND he even let her place a tender, supple kiss upon the magnificent thing. What a lucky lady she was that day.

Brock was so inspired by the young beauties passion for him that he decided to make a public service announcement addressed to all the bitties out there.

Ladies: Prepare yourself for the best 2 minutes and 51 seconds of your life.

Doods: Prepare to redefine your sexuality.

Seriously ladies, feel free to hollar at your big man Brock-o! I'm talking to you, MODELS!

Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie
Brock "Freedom Ain't Free" Steel


  1. This is thoroughly awesome. I admire the cut of your jib.

    1. Thanks dood! (or doodette)

      We try to cut our jibs in the most exciting way possible :D