Sunday, December 22, 2013

Trapped In The MidWest!!!

Yes, yes, yes... we know. 

It has been FOREVER since we've posted and kept you all updated on our adventures. We've been getting the same emails over and over and I'll answer them all in order:

"I NEED more Shred All Fear in my life!!!"
Us too!! We are trying everything in our supernatural power to bring the super stoke to everyone we can! Help us spread the word!

"Why haven't you guys freakin posted lately?! Have you two fallen off the face of the Earth??"
Nah, we haven't fallen off just yet but we might as well have... WE ARE STUCK IN THE MIDWEST!! We have run out of gas money and have been trying our best to get to our next climbing destination in Meheeco, but the times is tough out here. Not to mention flat and frigg'n cold. As soon as we make it to our Mexico big walls we will be putting up so many rad posts your eyeballs will bulge and burst from all the bodacious badassry! PARTY!!!

"Are you guys sponsored climbers? I hope to be just like you when I grow up one day!"
No, young adventure shredder, unfortunately we are not sponsored climbers. We are the everyman...if every man had a siq mullet, mustache, and geetar that is! When we climb and travel and adventure we don't do it because we're pulling down the hardest climbs or breaking through new barriers of our sport. It's because we're super stoked on it. That's all. That's it. Every second we're on the road, party. Every pitch we climb no matter how hard or how easy, freaking party! Every time we get a chance to spread the good word of the shred, well you get the idea, Shred All Fear is super stoked. That being said if someone wanted to sponsor and help get us to Mexico well, of course we'd be psyched to have help getting to the next adventure!

Also, If you want to be like us follow these simple steps:

1. Grow manly mullet (ladies too!)
2. Grow even manlier mustache (yes ladies, you too!)
3. Get stoked
4. Get after it!

Finally, the email we get the most: 
"You guys are sooo manly and tough, every night that your handsome mullets grace my dreams I sleep a satisfied woman!! ;)"
Not really a question. But thanks, we know!!!

So there you have it doods and doodettes. We're stuck in the flatlands and until we can pan handle enough money to get to Meheeco we'll be stuck here playing around in the snow and ice. I guess some Colorado Koolaid and my new dalmation friend will have to keep me warm until then!

Party Time MEXICO? 

Rex "BonerJamz" McKenzie
Brock "Freedom Ain't Free" Steel

Friday, November 22, 2013

Colorado Kool-Aid

And this ain't no fucking lite beer!

Party time USA! Forever!

Brock"freedom ain't free" Steel

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Moab Model Madness

What do you get when you put the dynamic mullet-ed duo in the middle of the desert with nothing but geetars, beer, and climbing gear?


Throw in some mega rad, 400ft mudstone towers PLUS super sexy model babes from the bone planet Dynamite. Then what do you get?!


After gaining the 2x2ft summit of Ancient Art, Brock and I furiously plucked at our geetars until they began to scream back at the blistering desert sun. The force alone knocked me off balance and Betsy and I (Betsy, my sexy black axe) fell from the summit of the tower. But thankfully, big strong Brock-o was prepared on belay. He caught my fall and I only spent a few seconds whipping through outer space. The fall was a bit jarring but being the testosterone-overloaded, muscle-laden, he-man super stoke that I am, I climbed up and joined Brock back at the summit.

Smart men wear helmets. Lucky for me I was a smart man that day!

Now, with both of us on the summit we played the song that would define the century. The song with the dirtiest riffs and the radest licks. The song that would split the sky apart and would make the forever stoke rain down for years to come. The song that--well, maybe just watch the video and get stoked yourself:

After tearing the stratosphere a new sonic bunghole, we sped off into the desert in search of our beer stash. Along the way we stumbled across a Kate Bellm photo shoot for the models from the bone planet Dynamite! They took one look at us with our sweaty staches and masculine mullets and practically BEGGED us to pose with them. The model babes must have gotten caught in the trap of Brock’s signature scent (dirt, beer, sweat, smoke, beer, and a ton-o-rad) because they immediately swarmed him. The poor guy could hardly play a quick song with me without the aphrodisiac drunken lady babes hugging his picking arm.

One of the models got so caught up in the moment she practically threw herself at Brock. After a minute or two of pleading she got him to whip out is bodacious bicep AND he even let her place a tender, supple kiss upon the magnificent thing. What a lucky lady she was that day.

Brock was so inspired by the young beauties passion for him that he decided to make a public service announcement addressed to all the bitties out there.

Ladies: Prepare yourself for the best 2 minutes and 51 seconds of your life.

Doods: Prepare to redefine your sexuality.

Seriously ladies, feel free to hollar at your big man Brock-o! I'm talking to you, MODELS!

Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie
Brock "Freedom Ain't Free" Steel

Sunday, November 10, 2013


And now moment you've all been waiting for: the music video for our finger-blistering-sandstone-ragefest at Zion National Park. Prepare yourself for live concert footage, icy cold rivers, epic climbs, pasty white thighs, horses, deer, and of course beer.




Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" McKenzie
Brock"Freedom Ain't Free" Steel

Friday, November 8, 2013


Where have the last 3 days gone???

Oh that's right, they went to raging hard in one of the most beautifully gnar places in the spaces:  ZION!!! For all ya'll foolie fools who don't know, Zion National Park is home to some of the sandiest-sandbagged-sick-nasty-sandstone this side of Saturn. With all of the rad routes to climb here (not to mention the lack of wifi) we lost track of time and forgot to keep the old b-log updated...Woops!!

Here's a quick recap:

We met up with our good friends Dick Dower, Dakota Walz, Jeremy Collins, and Corbin Brady. 

We climbed some sick routes in preparation for our main objective, Moonlight Buttress:

We climbed three pitches of world class rock in the pitch black of night. Then, deciding that it was time to go back to camp and drink some beer, we fixed 400 ft off rope and repelled to the ground. After a hardy night of party we woke up the next morning and jugged back up to our high point. 

After juggling back to our high point we hauled our geetars up in the haul bag behind us. Along with all our climbing gear that is a loooot of metal. Heavy metal. Can ya dig it?

After another 200ft of stellar aid climbing we ran into a problem. There were 2 parties above us also trying to reach the summit before sunset. Upon reaching the main roof in the center of the route our buzz was completely killed by the slow parties above. If we were to ever make it back to camp in time to party we would have to bail! So, being the rational doods we are, we pulled ropes and rapelled off the route.

Then we met all the nature. And got in touch with our spirit aminals. 

After 3 days of getting down and dirty in Zion it started to get too cold for the Brock-inator and his snot started to freeze on his stache.

As if all these sexy photos were not enough for ya we're currently working on the manliest, hairiest, rockenest music video we've shot yet. Stay posted for the release in the next day or so!!

Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie

Saturday, November 2, 2013

The Party Rolls On

On this morning the desert sun comes down hard like hot lightning in my eyes. The twisted stale-sweet arome of smoke, broken dreams, perfume, glitter, and bad decions emits from the both of us. Like a shadow belonging to the night before, it vaguely reminds us of who we are and what we have done. Needless to say, our last night in the City of Lost Wages was one stellar party!!

We hooked up with SinClaire the Dinosour again for one more titilating tour of the city. We hit a few casinos, played a few guitar solos, got kicked out of a club once or twice, and found our way to some of the dirt-filth-nastiest strip clubs this disgustingly dope city had to unveil.  

Seeing as Las Vages seems to know how to party pretty hard already, it is time for us to get back on the boogey bus and haul ass to our next destination. Before we could leave though we had to have one last jam session with the super-incredi-rad couple who put up with our crazy-consta-partying all week; DICK AND NATALIE!!!!!

Along with with their new pup, Munchcin, these two legendary climbers gave us a place to sleep, eat, shower our sins away, and even taught us a little about how they keep their own party going through out the years. There isn't enough time between climbs to thank them enough for everything they have done for us. As crazy as it sounds, this week WE are the ones learning secrets of the forever stoke from an EARTHLING. Let alone TWO of them!! 

They may have had a lot to teach us about being rad climbers but it was Brock and I who taught them how to make it look gooooood!!

And so, we said our farewells to Dick n Nat, all Brock's favorite strippers, and of course, the mountains that allowed our thunderous-face-grinding geetar riffs to penetrate the stratosphere and glaze the land in a thick hazey glow of super stoke.

Part Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Pine Creek Canyon Shred Fest


Today my bodacious bra, Brock and I stormed back into the desert to show the dirt and rocks just how rad our dirty rock show can be. Brock hauled our guitars through all the brush, cactus, thorns, and everything else in the desert that just wants to hurt you. Meanwhile I carried the ropes and laughed as his dumb face got our geetars caught on every vine and twig in the canyon. That blonde jerk is lucky my axe still has strings on it!

Like a champion, I lead us up our route, Cookie Monster/Cat in the Hat.  Move after move I made my way up the wall. The sun beat down and my mustache sweat kept my lips moist and hydrated. I could taste the pulsing power of testosterone in my sweat. It fueled our assent to the peak. 

Like a super mule Brock, lugged both our geetars up the wall. I might give this dummy a lot of shit but he is one rugged, mulleted man. All men should shutter before him in shame and jealousy. And all women well, you saw that crotch thrust. Tell me you don't need a slice o that piiiie!

We summited, played a crazy epic-ear-bleeding-rage-inducing tribute to the shred Gods of the outer verse, and rapped from our route in just about 3 hours. Something about having the righteous duty of shredding from a mountaintop has super charged our climbing abilities and filled our hearts to burst. What more can a man want from life other than to climb mountains, play hour long geetar solos on top of them, and finish the day with a couple bottles of Jack?

Check out the video Brock made of our gnarly assent today:

Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Yellow Stream of Victory

Today we began climbing the great mountains of Las Vegas known as Red Rocks. We started early. Not just the regular 1:30pm earthquake hang over early, but the big boy sunrise-tearing-at-our-eyelids early. We left the cozy steel towers full of hot mammas, loose slots,amps that crank to 11, and headed out for the rock towers of the desert. 

The blisters we get from our rad riffs came in handy when pulling ourselves up these crumbly cracks and flaky faces. 777 ft of amazing climbing that was even funnier than wining at the sluts. Er- I mean slots...

What a weird trip, going from partying on red velvet carpets to sumitting in the Black Velvet Canyon. Although this peak was great for playing geetar solo covers of "Viva Los Vegas", I think we can find a better, bigger, badder place to send our righteous sounds into the stratosphere. The search will continue. For now we just celebrate with a few shotgunned PBRs and a pause to mark our territory.

Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie 

To, Away

My burly brotherman, Brock, and I have been constantly traveling your planet Earth for many years. Sharing the forever stoke that the Gospel of the Shred teaches has been a mind numbing party. Some days the road is rad and takes us to the great beauties of the universe. Other times the road can be a complete soul crusher (like when driving through Kansas on a hung over Sunday with no open liquor stores for miles). All times the road does not end. We make many stops, but as long as there are people who could use our stoke, the road does not end. 

Could we simply hop into T.I.F.F.A.N.Y after our climb and cruise back to Saturn's Secret Sun? Duh, no problem. Would it be even easier for us to just give up on the dream of showing the whole planet how to party forever? Shit yeah! The babes back home are way more babe-alicous AND they already know how to get down. But that will not happen.

The world we are from may be alien to most. Earthlings may not understand our ability to keep the party going no matter what kind of turn the road takes. But that is our mission. We WILL find the perfect peak to shred our ultimate geetar solos from. We WILL reach everyone we can. And they WILL learn the secrets of the Gospel of the Shred.

The road to the forever stoke does not end. And even if it did, we would run to it. 

We would run forever.

Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie

Monday, October 28, 2013

Scouting for Signal

Oh brother what a day!! We rolled into Las Vegas around noon and have been raging hard 
ever since. Sick strip joints, killer karaoke clubs, and some of the gnarliest buffets our guts have ever had the chance to battle. Our heads were spinning with so much rad to be had.  Somewhere in all the mayhem my memory went black.

I woke up to something licking me on the desert floor. We were miles out of the city. There was sand in my mouth and it tasted like blue. I opened my eyes to see a freaking dinosaur staring down at me. Her name was SinClaire. We told her about our mission to find the best mountain to spread the gospel of the shreeed from. Before Brock could finish puking up his double decker veggie butt burger, she picked us both up with her long neck and took us for a journey. 

If memory serves all this actually happened... I think.

Party time USA
Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie 

Sunday, October 27, 2013


We have arrived in the embassy of our home world of rockers and radness: LAS VEGAS!!  We will be spending the next few days partying, getting dirt nasty, preparing for our epic desert rock assents, and of course, shhhreding!!!!

Part Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie

Good morning ROCKERS!

What a great morning to be alive and shredding! After spending the night hopping from reststop party to reststop party, it's time to send out a quick solo (36min 47 sec long) to the solar system. But it was not all face melting and stomach bubbling. While taking the leap of faith with gurair in hand Rex had a bit of a fuck up... Oh well. I challenge any other hard core rocker out there to make shredding with arterial bleeding sound so good.

Party time USA

Brock "Freedom Ain't Free" Steel 

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Shredding Against Hate

We got on the road a bit later than we intended (Brock was hung over and could not find his pants). But the stoke. The stoke started early.

We were only like, two hours out of our last party spot in Kansas City before we realized there was gnar to be shred.  Apparently, a nasty anus of evil had been growing in the town of Topeka Kansas. And that's like, way not cool.  This particular pool of puke is known as the West Borough "Baptist" Church or, as Brock would say; "Hate mongering anus of the three headed bigot beast from the double hell of Saturn". So, being the handsomely hairy doods we are, we decided we would stop by and lay our sick healing licks on that anus!

Glorious flowing mullets.
Intense testosterone infused mustaches. 

No pants.  

We were powerful with our thick middle fingers standing tall with righteous justice in the morning sun. We stood in the shadows of the anus as we laid down one epic, all-geetar-solo cover of "It's Raining Men". This planet had never heard anything so rad. Hearing our sonic justice piercing her black heart, the beast turned it's ugly head to us and revealed the filthiest sight known to man. Upon the sight of their leader, FuckNutz McGee, we held strong and finished our sick song. The leader of the beast was wounded badly but not yet slain. 

Before we could begin our second assault of block rockin beats, an idea struck me like the great lightning bolt of Saturn Thor. Could it be that a beast born from the cess pools of hate could not be stopped by only sick jamz and more hate? There was only one thing left we could do. Thinking quickly, I had Brock dig out all of his left over strip club ones and stuff them into the donation box at the gay pride sanctuary across the street! Seeing this, the head of abomination reeled in defeat. 

It was only 10 am. 

The day was already ours.

Soon we were back in our tour bus, The Interstellar Flying Freedom All-terrain Navigation Yacht (T.I.F.F.A.N.Y.). Within no time at all we came upon the gateway to the true land of FREEDOOOOM. 

Party Time USA

-Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie