Thursday, October 31, 2013

Pine Creek Canyon Shred Fest


Today my bodacious bra, Brock and I stormed back into the desert to show the dirt and rocks just how rad our dirty rock show can be. Brock hauled our guitars through all the brush, cactus, thorns, and everything else in the desert that just wants to hurt you. Meanwhile I carried the ropes and laughed as his dumb face got our geetars caught on every vine and twig in the canyon. That blonde jerk is lucky my axe still has strings on it!

Like a champion, I lead us up our route, Cookie Monster/Cat in the Hat.  Move after move I made my way up the wall. The sun beat down and my mustache sweat kept my lips moist and hydrated. I could taste the pulsing power of testosterone in my sweat. It fueled our assent to the peak. 

Like a super mule Brock, lugged both our geetars up the wall. I might give this dummy a lot of shit but he is one rugged, mulleted man. All men should shutter before him in shame and jealousy. And all women well, you saw that crotch thrust. Tell me you don't need a slice o that piiiie!

We summited, played a crazy epic-ear-bleeding-rage-inducing tribute to the shred Gods of the outer verse, and rapped from our route in just about 3 hours. Something about having the righteous duty of shredding from a mountaintop has super charged our climbing abilities and filled our hearts to burst. What more can a man want from life other than to climb mountains, play hour long geetar solos on top of them, and finish the day with a couple bottles of Jack?

Check out the video Brock made of our gnarly assent today:

Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Yellow Stream of Victory

Today we began climbing the great mountains of Las Vegas known as Red Rocks. We started early. Not just the regular 1:30pm earthquake hang over early, but the big boy sunrise-tearing-at-our-eyelids early. We left the cozy steel towers full of hot mammas, loose slots,amps that crank to 11, and headed out for the rock towers of the desert. 

The blisters we get from our rad riffs came in handy when pulling ourselves up these crumbly cracks and flaky faces. 777 ft of amazing climbing that was even funnier than wining at the sluts. Er- I mean slots...

What a weird trip, going from partying on red velvet carpets to sumitting in the Black Velvet Canyon. Although this peak was great for playing geetar solo covers of "Viva Los Vegas", I think we can find a better, bigger, badder place to send our righteous sounds into the stratosphere. The search will continue. For now we just celebrate with a few shotgunned PBRs and a pause to mark our territory.

Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie 

To, Away

My burly brotherman, Brock, and I have been constantly traveling your planet Earth for many years. Sharing the forever stoke that the Gospel of the Shred teaches has been a mind numbing party. Some days the road is rad and takes us to the great beauties of the universe. Other times the road can be a complete soul crusher (like when driving through Kansas on a hung over Sunday with no open liquor stores for miles). All times the road does not end. We make many stops, but as long as there are people who could use our stoke, the road does not end. 

Could we simply hop into T.I.F.F.A.N.Y after our climb and cruise back to Saturn's Secret Sun? Duh, no problem. Would it be even easier for us to just give up on the dream of showing the whole planet how to party forever? Shit yeah! The babes back home are way more babe-alicous AND they already know how to get down. But that will not happen.

The world we are from may be alien to most. Earthlings may not understand our ability to keep the party going no matter what kind of turn the road takes. But that is our mission. We WILL find the perfect peak to shred our ultimate geetar solos from. We WILL reach everyone we can. And they WILL learn the secrets of the Gospel of the Shred.

The road to the forever stoke does not end. And even if it did, we would run to it. 

We would run forever.

Party Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie

Monday, October 28, 2013

Scouting for Signal

Oh brother what a day!! We rolled into Las Vegas around noon and have been raging hard 
ever since. Sick strip joints, killer karaoke clubs, and some of the gnarliest buffets our guts have ever had the chance to battle. Our heads were spinning with so much rad to be had.  Somewhere in all the mayhem my memory went black.

I woke up to something licking me on the desert floor. We were miles out of the city. There was sand in my mouth and it tasted like blue. I opened my eyes to see a freaking dinosaur staring down at me. Her name was SinClaire. We told her about our mission to find the best mountain to spread the gospel of the shreeed from. Before Brock could finish puking up his double decker veggie butt burger, she picked us both up with her long neck and took us for a journey. 

If memory serves all this actually happened... I think.

Party time USA
Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie 

Sunday, October 27, 2013


We have arrived in the embassy of our home world of rockers and radness: LAS VEGAS!!  We will be spending the next few days partying, getting dirt nasty, preparing for our epic desert rock assents, and of course, shhhreding!!!!

Part Time USA

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie

Good morning ROCKERS!

What a great morning to be alive and shredding! After spending the night hopping from reststop party to reststop party, it's time to send out a quick solo (36min 47 sec long) to the solar system. But it was not all face melting and stomach bubbling. While taking the leap of faith with gurair in hand Rex had a bit of a fuck up... Oh well. I challenge any other hard core rocker out there to make shredding with arterial bleeding sound so good.

Party time USA

Brock "Freedom Ain't Free" Steel 

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Shredding Against Hate

We got on the road a bit later than we intended (Brock was hung over and could not find his pants). But the stoke. The stoke started early.

We were only like, two hours out of our last party spot in Kansas City before we realized there was gnar to be shred.  Apparently, a nasty anus of evil had been growing in the town of Topeka Kansas. And that's like, way not cool.  This particular pool of puke is known as the West Borough "Baptist" Church or, as Brock would say; "Hate mongering anus of the three headed bigot beast from the double hell of Saturn". So, being the handsomely hairy doods we are, we decided we would stop by and lay our sick healing licks on that anus!

Glorious flowing mullets.
Intense testosterone infused mustaches. 

No pants.  

We were powerful with our thick middle fingers standing tall with righteous justice in the morning sun. We stood in the shadows of the anus as we laid down one epic, all-geetar-solo cover of "It's Raining Men". This planet had never heard anything so rad. Hearing our sonic justice piercing her black heart, the beast turned it's ugly head to us and revealed the filthiest sight known to man. Upon the sight of their leader, FuckNutz McGee, we held strong and finished our sick song. The leader of the beast was wounded badly but not yet slain. 

Before we could begin our second assault of block rockin beats, an idea struck me like the great lightning bolt of Saturn Thor. Could it be that a beast born from the cess pools of hate could not be stopped by only sick jamz and more hate? There was only one thing left we could do. Thinking quickly, I had Brock dig out all of his left over strip club ones and stuff them into the donation box at the gay pride sanctuary across the street! Seeing this, the head of abomination reeled in defeat. 

It was only 10 am. 

The day was already ours.

Soon we were back in our tour bus, The Interstellar Flying Freedom All-terrain Navigation Yacht (T.I.F.F.A.N.Y.). Within no time at all we came upon the gateway to the true land of FREEDOOOOM. 

Party Time USA

-Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie