The Couch of 1000 Legends

What up folks, Mr. Steel here! Who wants to buy my couch? We just put it up on the Craigslist!

Throw us a bit of love by hitting the  button at the bottom of the page!

Couch Time USA

Forever

-Brock "Freedom Ain't Free" Steel

Yosemite National Party

 We've been travel'n and climb'n and rock'n the Earth for a long time now. From it's dirtbag desert parties to it's super human stoke factory of awesome climbers, we've been blown away by how righteous this planet can be. Nothin could have prepared us though for how powerful this freaking piece of rock could be! Like the towering beautiful Golden Godess of Saturn's Savage Rings Sector, El Capitan leans impenetrable with complete dominance of the valley. Yet she stands uncontrollably enticing.   

Brock and I became fatigued just from craning our necks to look up in awe at the thing.  We began to get very dizzy and exhausted. Maybe it was all the beer and Its-It ice cream cookies or maybe it really was just the sheer power of El Cap. What ever it was, we woke up in the meadow a few hours later from a pre-send power-nap. Feeling fresh and feisty Brock, suggested we stand on top of the granite behemoth and do the ceremonial Orangutan O-lectric Slide on it's head. I couldn't think of a better way to spend the day, so we finished our post nap beers and hiked up to climb it's easiest free route, The East Buttress. 

After a perfect day of incredibly fun cracks, small roofs, chimneys, off widths, faces, water falls, and vertigo inducing views, we summited a few thousand feet above the valley floor. If ever the rumored wells of infinite stoke existed they might be found somewhere in between this dance floor and Half Dome in the distance.

Blown away by all the shred potential the valley had to offer we quickly made our way back down to scope out our next climb. When we got back to the meadow our new friend, Donkey D*ck Dave, greeted us with champagne and grilled foods. We toasted to the beauty of the valley and to the absence of any park strangers ruining our good times.

The next day our homie Pat suggested we climb the world class Royal Arches with him.Without hesitation B-rock strapped my face melting riff machine to back and we ventured on up this historical peace of rock. In homage to the beauty and quality of the route, I played The Danger Zone by the one and only Kenny Loggins a few times. I flexed the good ol rock cannons once or twice as well... just for good measure. 

The Royal Arches could not have lived up to their hype more. Beautiful waterfalls, gorgeous splitter cracks, and rock climbing's first pendulum swing? Perfecto Respecto Gorgeoso!!

I know what you're thinking right now:

"Ya cool whatever, but where is the new video of you losers playing geetars on top of rocks and stuff??"

Never fear! B-rock-shiz-nasty is editing footage RIGHT NOW! Hold tight and our next video will be up for your eyeballs's viewing pleasure in no time!!

Party Time Yosemite

Forever

-Rex "BonerJamz" McKenzie

Brock "Freedom Ain't Free" Steel

¡Roca Salvaje & Nuevos Amigos!

Welp, after one of the roughest weeks in the desert we are back from Me-xee-co!

We crossed the boarder without the guards even asking for our passports or about how we got our mullets so silky and smooth. I guess trying to keep rockstars out of their country was the least of their worries. Without stopping we booked it straight to the deesert. The hand drawn map we used to find Cañon Tajo lead us awry for a few hours until we finally stumbled down the right dirt road.

We were alone in the canyon with nothing and no one for miles and miles in each direction. So, naturally we started partying. Brock stumbled upon a relic from the previous native inhabitants of the land and preceded to perform the honorary Doodly Dance that is the custom of our people.

We were completely struck by all the beauty the Mexican desert had to offer.

The very next day we made our hopeful assault on Gran Trono Blanco. We had heard the approach would be especially heinous but we could never have been prepared for the 8 hours of bush waking through green barbed monsters. Quickly, we learned, in Cañon Tajo everything wants to hurt you. No matter how pretty.

This is just one of the desert devil plants protecting the beautiful white granite. Everything wants to hurt you, they're all very good at it, and they all work together. The flowers do their best to hide the cactus spines. The loose dirt hides in thin passes between the dreaded agave. And the large white granite boulders, which are your only safe haven from the green monsters, give to your body weight and chase you down the gully.

After 4.5 hours of hiking we finally made it to the base of the East wall. With most of the day gone along with nearly all of my energy, we decided to bail on our objective and call it a day.

We would go on to make a second attempt at the Great White Throne, but on it's South face. The approach would prove to be much easier... the climbing did not even pretend to ease up. We made it half way up and decided that the blank white dome would look better if we didn't leave red streaks up and down it's old school 5.10 squeeze chimney...

When we finally made it back to camp we were surprised to find that not only were their people there, but there was a whole group of locals . They turned out to be the Tijuana Alpine Club

They were doing some self proclaimed "glamping". Which we learned means lots of wine, fish, wine, steak, and wine!!! They were all very helpful and did everything they could to make us weird aliens feel at home in their remote stomping grounds.

We also met some Gringo locals in the canyon. They have spent much of their lives traveling Baja and exploring what wild is left in the Americas.  Gregorio "GriGri", Jason, and Nikky showed us some of the canyons most beautiful and exciting secrets, shared a campfire with us, gave us crucial beta, and even let us play with their pet wolf.

Our nuevos amigos explained to us how special this place was to them and how important it has been to the freedom of adventure. Because of the lack of information out on the intrawebs the whole place is still very untamed and undisturbed. Our young eyes have been opened to the importance places like this have in the climbing world. Without the park rangers, the entry fees, paved trails, or even guided tours, places like this are some of the few to remain wild. The few that can facilitate true adventure.

Because of this we have scrapped all our footage we had shot to make a video. The photos and vague stories will stay up as some representation of our trip but do not even begin to scrape the surface of all the gnar we found in Mexico's middle ah nowhere.

Although we did not summit Trono Blanco our hearts are filled with new friendships, bellies with genuine tequila, our skin with cactus spines, and our stoke is set to overload!!

PARTIDO TIEMPO MEXICO PARA SIEMPRE

-Rex "BonerJamz" McKenzie

Brock "Freedom Ain't Free" Steel

P.S. For all the Americans afraid of getting your heads cut off:

The Mexican side of the boarder line is much friendlier than the Norte.

Major League Butt Kick'n is Back in Town!

Shred All Fear is back in full force and jammin harder than ever in Zion National Park. After doing some bicep bursting free climbing on the Organ we hiked up to Angels Landing, ran passed all the scared tourists, and signed autographs for those who recognized us or were stoked off our dance moves. The summit view was comparable to the Old Volcano Towers Ridge in Saturn's outer rim. Which if you haven't climbed out there, is freaking stellar.

 Also a chipmunk took a great liking to Brock and his mullet. Maybe he could smell Brock's inner animal... or maybe it was just his feet. Either way they became best friends.

Party Time USA...

For now..

-Rex 'BonerJamz' McKenzie

Brock 'Freedom Ain't Free' Steel

P.S. You jerks, Mr. Bryan Schillig is the only one whose had the decency to donate to our gas fund! What a stand up, handsome, powerful, hairy hairy man.

Pine Creek Canyon Shred Fest

VIIIIICTORY!!!

Today my bodacious bra, Brock and I stormed back into the desert to show the dirt and rocks just how rad our dirty rock show can be. Brock hauled our guitars through all the brush, cactus, thorns, and everything else in the desert that just wants to hurt you. Meanwhile I carried the ropes and laughed as his dumb face got our geetars caught on every vine and twig in the canyon. That blonde jerk is lucky my axe still has strings on it!

Like a champion, I lead us up our route, Cookie Monster/Cat in the Hat.  Move after move I made my way up the wall. The sun beat down and my mustache sweat kept my lips moist and hydrated. I could taste the pulsing power of testosterone in my sweat. It fueled our assent to the peak. 

Like a super mule Brock, lugged both our geetars up the wall. I might give this dummy a lot of shit but he is one rugged, mulleted man. All men should shutter before him in shame and jealousy. And all women well, you saw that crotch thrust. Tell me you don't need a slice o that piiiie!

We summited, played a crazy epic-ear-bleeding-rage-inducing tribute to the shred Gods of the outer verse, and rapped from our route in just about 3 hours. Something about having the righteous duty of shredding from a mountaintop has super charged our climbing abilities and filled our hearts to burst. What more can a man want from life other than to climb mountains, play hour long geetar solos on top of them, and finish the day with a couple bottles of Jack?

Check out the video Brock made of our gnarly assent today:

Party Time USA

Forever

Rex "BonerJamz" Mckenzie